epiphany!

For some reason I only really tend to get clarity and the occasional epiphany around this time of day (night/morning... whatever). I should move to the opposite side of the planet and see what happens.

Anyway... I realised why I'm having trouble really visualising the images I want to make (or being comfortable enough with them in my mind to really get started).

They have to be self-portraits! Go the self-indulgence. But not really, I think that's the only way to make them true, to resonate! I don't literally want to be the person in them (although so far the only successful image thus far is exactly that).

I was reading something earlier (that I can't find therefore can't reference)... I think it was an article from Photofile... anyway it may have been a review of the Happiness exhibition with Lyndal and Darren at pica in Perth (should I say their full names when speaking about them as artists rather than educators?). There was a mention of 'slackers'. It stuck with me. A title came to mind: slackers: subjective on the community. Well, it's a working title.

I tend to become attracted to justification, especially when it comes to the underdog. It might sound noble but it's really just me trying to stick up for myself. I won't stick up for them (well I won't spend a university year and lots and lots of money trying to work out the most visually poetic way to justify their actions!) if I don't sympathise or identify with them.

I wanted to do this because I am interested in the screen. I love it. It's my saviour! I know we all tend to idolize it... screen idols are the new Greek Gods (whatever)... but really, the media is so fucking hugely influential most of us can't even see the tip of the iceberg! We're conditioned not to! And it really does work. Media Watch people!! At the same time, it's not necessarily the worst form of escapism. After some particularly extreme difficulties in my life, I made a conscious decision to escape into the false realities of Sunnydale and other rich and engaging fictional realities. Really, it was that or drugs. Drugs are bad, mmm-kay!

So what I have to do now, is reflect. If all I can do is justify, then I'll justify. Using prettier people and good lighting.